What is submission?
This entry is to help you just think about submission and I will be posting about what submission is to me and my dynamic in another entry. I can’t cover all types of submission because I don’t have that knowledge. I can only talk about things from my perspective and my journey. If you are looking for more information on being submissive and submission I am working on compiling some resources that I will be posting!
Below is the definition of submission taken from Merriam-Webster Dictionary. For my purposes I am using the definitions 2 and 3.
Submission in general means something different to each submissive or s-type that you meet but we all share common basics. We are not meek, weak, doormats or less than anyone else. Submission is not gender specific either. There are a plethora of submissive categories and traits out there. The wonderful thing about BDSM and this Life Style is that you are encouraged to discover all the things about yourself and your chosen dynamic can be whatever works for you (if you’re single) and your partner. You get to talk about all of it and negotiate everything. Just because you are submissive doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice!
There are some that believe there is only their way to practice BDSM or the Life Style and I will take heat for this at some point I am sure but I DON’T BELIEVE THAT! I believe you can do whatever you are comfortable with and have negotiated in your dynamic. it is YOUR dynamic and that’s the bottom line. If it works for you then it doesn’t matter how someone else feels about it. Yes, there are things that are still taboo in main stream life so I do suggest being mindful of what you share, when and with who. By no means am I saying hide who you are. I am saying be mindful of others. We tend to be more open minded and liberated than others and that is ok but we also need to be ok with the fact that our Life Style isn’t for everyone.
Below are 3 questions I want you to think about. You can answer in the comments or just in your own head. I will have my responses after a little background blurb… I mean you are just getting to know me!
What did you feel the first time you were called submissive?
What did you feel when you called yourself submissive the first time?
How do you feel about it now?
My husband and I have been together nearly 20 years at the time of this post. He has always been more dominant in our life and I have always been naturally submissive BUT that is not the word that I used. I used respectful and I have been that way my whole life. I never thought of it as submissive or submission though. The majority of our marriage (15 years of it) was primarily vanilla. Don’t get me wrong we had great sex and an amazing physical connection and still do but our life was very vanilla and basic as a whole. My husband had adventures into The Life Style before me. Before my husband I had not had many sexual partners, sex was taboo and I didn’t have first hand knowledge of anything Life Style related. *Side note… I prefer using Life Style or LS instead of BDSM. I feel that LS encompasses a more general over view of it all.*
My husband and I are very different people and lived very different childhoods/adult lives (before we met) and have very different views, thoughts and feelings on almost everything! Before he came to me about LS stuff around 5 years ago we were good… Don’t get me wrong we had our ups and downs that come with any long term relationships but there was something that was kinda missing and at the time I had no idea what it was. He told me that he wanted to incorporate LS stuff into our life. I had no fucking idea what that meant and when I started looking into things I was overwhelmed and scared. The inner child raised in the church was conflicted and paralyzed. As I said above sex was not an easy or comfortable topic for me but I will get into those details another day.
Now on to my answers to the questions above…
My husband calling me submissive didn’t bug me. Someone in a kink group calling me submissive didn’t bug me.
I could say I was a submissive and logically understand it but why was I so conflicted about it? Why did it sound wrong? I was strong, independent, a mother, in a long term marriage and blah blah blah… But why did THAT word leave me feeling like I was weak for being submissive? Why did THAT word get under my skin? Why did THAT word carry a negative connotation INSIDE of me? What was wrong with me?
It took YEARS for me to dig inside and really figure things out. I love my husband or Daddy as I refer to him now for giving me the emotional permission to take the time and do the work so that I can be the person I am today. I can’t thank him enough for it. Yes, I said he gave me the permission. No, that is not a submissive thing. It hasn’t been easy or smooth sailing but we were trying to navigate it together. There were things he didn’t understand because he didn’t know what I was going through BUT he was still here. He allowed me the time and space to heal from my childhood traumas and understand myself so that I can give him the BEST version of me! That is what I mean by permission.
Today, I embrace why I enjoy being submissive. I dance in the freedom of it. I revel in the way it makes me feel. I am not weak and I DON’T need to prove that to anyone. Submissive is not just my chosen role in our Dynamic… IT IS ME!
Until next time,
Pretty in Pink 🩷
Pretty in Pink 