In taking the time to understand my mental health and traumas; I learned so much!!!
I had to accept that my traumas are a part of me but they AREN’T me. I had to accept that the people that caused my traumas were supposed to protect me, encourage me and support me BUT they didn’t. I had to accept that it didn’t mean I was broken or defective. I had to accept that they had issues that were being taken out on me. I had to accept who the traumas made me and move forward because burying it didn’t work anymore… Or at all… EVER! I wanted real change so I worked through accepting it all… And here I am!
I learned that because I have always been hyper-independent I didn’t know how to ask for help, needs, wants. I learned that what I thought was a positive (being independent and not clingy/needy etc) was actually not allowing my husband to be needed and wanted.
I learned that I attach emotional value on actions versus the person providing those actions because I haven’t been able to rely on anyone or people staying in my life. So it’s easier to know what actions make me feel what things instead of this person makes me feel these things. It’s how I kept myself safe because I didn’t think anyone would stay for me to attach my feelings to them.
I learned that I need to know everything A-Z on a subject and that I can process and move past anything. I learned that I have a larger capacity for processing “outside my normal” perceptions and trying out new points of view!
I learned that submission in general provides me with a sense of freedom, the ability to be present in each moment, the ability to be all of me for my Daddy and have all of him in return.
I learned that I am an anxiously attached person and that my love language is acts of service and quality time… All of this, of course, would be byproducts of my traumas. So I need reassurance in various things (often). I need honesty, open communication and emotional connection. I need to feel of service to my Daddy and quality time. I learned that I didn’t get the acts of service growing up but that I enjoy providing acts of service for those I love because I can fill my own need of service by giving it.
I learned that it was ok to ask for the things I wanted. I learned I was encouraged for expressing my needs. I learned who I was and why. I learned how to work with it and not against it. I learned to accept myself.
I learned that was what was missing all along!
Until next time,
Pretty in Pink 🩷
Pretty in Pink 