This is something that I have been thinking about for a while now. I have heard people say ” I have always been a submissive so that is what I am.” BUT it’s said with an air of longing for something more and different or a tone that leaves things unsaid. I have heard similiar phrases from people that seem to be at a plateau in their chosen role. All of this has had me thinking about evolution as a whole… Let me explain…
For my purposes today I am going to use definition 2 from above. First, I am going to ask you to read definition 2 at your normal speed. Second, I am going to ask you to read it again slowly. Third, I am going to ask you to look at the similar words that are listed below it… What do you see about all the listed words? For me, the most important thing I saw was that they are all positive things!
Ok, enough with the school style lecture and on to my original point… Evolution is a natural part of life and every person. Evolution, development, advancement, growth and progress are all something that we seek and for me personally it has been a huge part of my journey in BDSM. I am not the same person today that I was when I started 5ish years ago.
Everything to get me where I am now has been growth, progress and EVOLUTION in my role! So, when I hear someone that seems stagnant in their chosen role and questioning things I have to hold myself back from asking them why change for them or their role seems to have a less than positive reaction. I hold myself back because it is not my place to question anyone and their dynamic or roles BUT it has lead me to this nagging thought that I had to get out… What is so bad about evolution in our roles?
The more that I think about it I am thankful for what my role has become and how I feel about it and how I identify with it. Without the growth in myself and my role I would still be where I started… AND I can say absolutely that me today would not be happy in my role if I was still the same submissive from 5ish years ago.
People grow and change. Careers grow and change. Friendships grow and change. Roles grow and change. It really is that simple… at least in my mind.
Why can’t roles evolve as we change? I don’t like cholocate cake now but I apparently loved it as a kid… I was skeptical of impact play and all the implements in the beginning but now the sound of Daddy taking off his belt after work has me looking around to see what is coming next… if anything… (There are those of you that will understand that thought and feeling more than others and some that may not at all… both are OK!) All of that is growth and change.
I’m not saying run out and renegotiate your dynamic by any means. What I am saying is this lifestyle is all about growth and changing and experimenting. You aren’t stuck in the place you started! You may be a sub that has a secret desire to top in a scene once in a blue moon but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t a sub… for me it just means that your tastes are evolving. Maybe you try it and it doesn’t live up to your desire or you realize you really aren’t made to be in a top role. Maybe you realize that you might lean a little towards being a switch but have a stronger pull to your submissive side. All these things are good, great, grand and wonderful! Just remember to be respectful of yourself, your partner and your dynamic.
Change and growth isn’t just on the submissive side of the slash! My Daddy had a more rigid style and preferred to be called Sir but after finding my submissive style, what I wanted and needed from a dynamic, finding comfort in myself and taking the time to detail all that to my partner he adapted his style and role to fit with mine. Now, I know it sounds like this all revolves around me (and while a lot of the time it does) but we really took the time to dive in deep and make sure that the dynamic we were building would be a benefit for both of us. It sounds like it is all about me because I can only give you my perspective.
Change, adaptation, growth, progress, developent, advancement and evolution are all crucial to us as individuals but even more so in this lifestyle. Don’t be scared of change… Trust me, I know it’s not easy… But, if everything else can grow and change so can you and your role!
Until next time,
Pretty in Pink 💕
Pretty in Pink 