I have been thinking about Kink and the freedom that I have found in it and how it has helped me grow, change, accept myself and experience new things. So, today I want to share my story of finding freedom in kink.
Finding freedom in kink is not a new concept to anyone involved in kink but each person’s journey to freedom is unique!
Kink has helped me find my identity. Kink has helped me heal emotionally and take back my power from my traumas. Kink has helped me build confidence in my wants, needs and my body.
I have read many articles on healing trauma and I was a little surprised to read many that promote the healing abilities of kink. The basic premise of it is… with kink we are able to create and experience consensual scenes and situations and care that allows the body to help the brain re-write the brain and how it responds to certain stimuli and situations. Essentially, we are taking control and overwriting past traumatic events with our own positive feelings and memories.
Studies have found that those that participate in kink/BDSM are more relaxed, more extraverted, more open to experiencing new things and have a higher than average overall well-being. Kink gives those of us with trauma the ability to control our bodies, minds, emotions and is a safe space where our choices matter.
I read an article that really stuck with me. It talks about how the body holds onto trauma. I realized in that article that even though I have worked on healing my brain, thoughts and emotions I did not work on healing my body. I did not know that my body held the trauma even after my head was letting it go. The article talks about Somatic healing. Somatic healing is about promoting the mind-body connection. Mind and body are usually treated separately and by different doctors.
I have C-PTSD and its very common for our body and nervous systems to LIVE in survival mode and hold onto the trauma in the body. Those with PTSD and have lived in survival mode for so long have beliefs, thoughts emotions that are buried so deep in our body that our minds might not be able to even access why we have certain thoughts and feelings or why our body reacts the way it does to things. Some tones, situations, thoughts and stressors can trigger my body into survival mode even though my head doesn’t feel that way… but I can’t stop the way my body changes in those moments. Somatic therapy is helping me identify why my body feels that way and kink is giving me the tools to teach my body different ways to respond and what I need.
Kink is usually comprised of 3 basic things… Negotiation, participation in the scene and aftercare.
Negotiation for me is healing because I can express my boundaries, ask questions of myself and my Daddy in an open and safe place. Negotiation gives me a sense of predictability and comfort knowing what will and won’t happen and that is helpful because part of my trauma is tied to unpredictability and not feeling safe. Negotiations are important for EVERYONE involved in kink and extra important for someone like me with trauma.
Participation in the negotiated scene is healing for me because it gives me the chance to feel safety, excitement, nervousness, arousal and other things in a situation that I consented to. The scene gives me the ability to build positive emotions, thoughts and memories. With consistent scenes it helps me overwrite the past emotions, thoughts and memories. One scene isn’t going to fix it all but with consistency it does help me. When there is consistency I CRAVE the connection that kink/BDSM give me to my Daddy and my body and I find comfort and freedom in my sexuality.
Aftercare is important and healing for me because it is a check in with my Daddy and how we both felt about the scene. We talk about what we liked or didn’t or what we might want to try different next time. We snuggle, kiss, shower each other, have a snack and water if needed. Aftercare for me is a way to reinforce the positive connection between mind and body and the connection to my Daddy.
Finding freedom in Kink and BDSM practices has given me tools to work on trust, communication, emotions and find my sexuality. The expectation of pure open and honest communication of thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, fantasies and so on have helped me quiet my overthinking caused by trauma. The ability to have an open and honest conversation with my Daddy can still provide some internal anxiety but I am committed to being open, honest and continuing to heal. As I said earlier… there is a predictability in kink that helps me heal a past of unpredictability.
One thing I am still trying to work on is my feelings of being clingy or needy. Because, I have never opened myself to anyone in the ways that I have to my Daddy there are times that I feel extra needy of him. Kink has helped our connection grow and I am thankful but it has also opened up the flood gates of feelings and attachment to my Daddy. I have never felt so attached to someone. It’s like I crave him. I want him near me all the time. When he is gone I feel a little lost because as a service sub he is what my day revolves around. If he is gone for long periods of time I find myself emotional and missing him so much. It is hard for me to understand these feelings because I have never had them before and I have always been very independent. I am trying to find ways to help me not feel clingy or needy. When I have those feelings I let my Daddy know and he lets me know I am not being needy and it helps but will take time before it really sinks in and changes the way I feel.
Kink is healing, fun, sexy, freeing and full of new things that I can’t wait to experience. I am eternally thankful for kink and all that it has given me and all that it has yet to give me!
Until next time,
Pretty in Pink
Pretty in Pink 